Do you wake up every morning feeling steady and confident? Like a ship at sea, sails trimmed, straight on course? And no matter what comes at you do you stay feeling super confident all day?
Or do you wake up some days not feeling confident at all. Maybe you wake up feeling a bit wobbly? Or your day starts off ok but your confidence is knocked sideways in certain situations, with certain people leaving you feeling off balance and not yourself?
When you lose confidence it means there’s been a physical and mental shift in your internal state. This process is both complex and mysterious. Even the most brilliant neuroscientists on the planet have not discovered how our minds and bodies operate – yet!
In the meantime, to help simplify things I am going to give you some tips that you can use anytime to get yourself out of a wobbly state and back to feeling confident. Once you do the steps you can be confident in a snap!
To your success!
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” ― Henry David Thoreau
Not paying attention to your internal state is like throwing caution to the wind
How many times throughout your day do you pause and ask yourself, “How am I feeling now?” My guess is for most people – not very often and for some people rarely if ever.
If you knew just how important paying attention to your state was to the quality of your life, health and happiness– would you do it?
Your internal state guides your actions and behaviours at every step. How you respond to external triggers is a result of the state you are in. If you are not in a resourceful state when you hear the sound of a particular person’s voice, see a memorable facial expression or something simple like the sight of a messy room you could find yourself spiraling down into an even more unresourceful place quickly.
Once your state starts shifting downward you need to catch it quickly or like a ball rolling downhill it is really hard to stop.
Did you know? You can actually choose the state you’re in…that’s right!
That’s right! Even right now as you read this you are experiencing an internal state. Let’s do a quick survey, shall we? Ask yourself what state you are in right now. Are you curious?… learning?… skeptical?… happy? Email me or post your state on my Be Yourself Coach Facebook page. Let’s see what the most popular state is for reading newsletters. And while you’re there do LIKE my page – thanks!
All states can be great states to be in – depending on the context.
For reading – being in a curious state is great. Being frustrated is not. Nor for writing. When I write I like to be in a confident state as that’s when my words flow and I feel more authentic.
Some days I get frustrated with technology and lose my confidence. Since I know how to quickly change my state that’s what I do. In fact any times throughout each day I purposely shift my state to be more resourceful. And if I can do it – you can too!
If you are not feeling in a great state – you can change it. It’s that simple!
The secret is using both your mind and body in partnership. Whether you want to be confident, motivated, focused, energetic, or whatever, you can get the state you want with a few easy steps.
So why focus on being confident? Well, can you think of any situation in life where you do not want to be confident? Just knowing you can choose to be confident any time you want is powerful, isn’t it?
Metaphors are excellent aides in learning new concepts – like state shifting
Paying attention to your state is as important as trimming sails on a sailboat.
Using a sailboat as a metaphor paints a vivid image to represent the relationship between you and your state [the boat and the sails] and between your performance and results [the boat’s speed and steadiness and getting safely back to port].
Like sails, ignoring or not calibrating your state can create an uncomfortable ride in life. When you are distracted and not consciously aware of your state you can easily steer off course in your life… if you let it.
Back stories are like gale force winds
People in a bad state easily get caught up in the back story. This can lead to unresourceful self-talk; a ‘pity party’; or a workout on the “he said, she said” treadmill. This is wasting your precious time. Why wallow in self pity? When instead you could be living your life to the fullest?!
“Confidence comes from discipline and training.”― Robert Kiyosaki
Focusing on your state calms the sea
If you are up for something different, below are some steps to move from being stuck in the story, to noticing your state and getting back to feeling confident. Go on now, give it a try. And do send me an email to share your results or post on my Be Yourself Coach Facebook page.
Next time you are in a situation and feel wobbly say to yourself, “I am feeling (name the state)”. How do you feel about that state? Ask yourself, “How do I feel about feeling (name the state)”. This gives you space and a pause to reflect on how you are feeling without getting drawn back into the story.
Now go back into the state of feeling wobbly or (name the state). Notice what you see, hear and feel inside. When you really feel it anchor the state. Squeeze your fingers on one hand as though you are going to snap(!) them. Don’t. Keep your fingers squeezed together for about 15-20 seconds at the peak of the state.
Shake it off – like a bird shakes water off her wings.
Ask yourself, “What state do I want right now?”
Consider the context you are in when you decide on the state you want. Who else is in the situation? What are your outcomes and goals? What are theirs? What state will support you both achieving your outcomes and goals?
Create the state you want. Recall a time when you had that state and it was high quality. Take time to really sink into the memory. Notice what you see, hear, feel. When you are fully into the state anchor the new state squeezing your fingers on your other hand as though you are going to snap(!) them. Don’t. Keep your fingers squeezed together for about 15-20 seconds at the peak of the state.
Shake it off – like a dog shaking off water after a swim.
Squeeze both sets of fingers at the same time for several seconds. Notice how you feel as the states collapse. Test your work by firing the first anchor (squeeze the fingers you used in step #1). Notice how you feel different now. You should be feeling the state from Step 4. Now imagine the situation in the future and notice how you can be more resourceful being in your newly anchored state.
Anytime you want the new state- fire the anchor by squeezing your fingers – snap! It’s that easy!
If you are serious about learning how NLP really works, you want to pick up skills in a live training course – like self-anchoring- so you can coach yourself using NLP and help others too, you can attend the next NLP Practitioner training course in Winnipeg starting on August 17, 2014. Limited spaces still available so secure your space early and enjoy the early booking price until August 1, 2014. I look forward to seeing you there if you can make it!
For a more detailed description on how to anchor a physical state go to the NLP Academy website in the UK. The NLP Academy is where I go for my NLP training with John Grinder, co-creator of NLP and New Code NLP, Carmen Bostic St Clair co-creator of New Code NLP and Michael Carroll, Master NLP Trainer.
I like to study with the best and then bring the highest quality of NLP Training back to Winnipeg for you to enjoy and use in your life and in the lives of others!
If you want to learn how to anchor resourceful states like being confident (or any state you want) come out to the next NLP Cafe in Winnipeg, September 23, 2014.
Try putting the “he said, she said” story aside. Be silent and concentrate on what is going on inside your body instead.
“I attended one of Jacquie’s workshops recently. Although I was skeptical at first she made me feel welcome to the group and provided a wonderful understanding of NLP and how it works. The exercises she showed us worked to center myself and focus my energy. She is passionate about her programs, and her energy is empowering. I had a great time, thanks Jacquie!” ― Emma Frost, Owner, Trainer, Speaker – CanLead Training
If you are really serious about changing your life! and learning how NLP really works in a live training course so you can coach yourself using NLP and help others too, you can attend the next NLP Practitioner training course in Winnipeg starting on August 17, 2014. Limited spaces still available so secure your space early and enjoy the early booking price until July 31, 2014. I look forward to seeing you there if you can make it!