Have you found yourself saying something or doing something lately you really, really regret? Is this a pattern for you? And are you trying anything to stop yourself doing this like trying to increase your awareness through meditating? — and maybe it’s not doing the trick for you? At least not as well or is short lived?
In my experience doing meditation does raise awareness to my breathing and I find it relaxing and calming. Yet, it does not go much further than that. And that’ s ok with me.
And I know some days you want more. You want to stop the silly pattern you have of repeating doing or saying what you swore you would never do it again!
In this month’s newsletter I will share what I have learnt about what’s beyond awareness and the missing piece of the puzzle – so you say what you mean and mean what you say. Where you can be more confident, more authentic, and you can truly be yourself!
To your Be Yourself Coaching Success!
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” –Oscar Wilde
In a video according to Paul Ekman, Professor Emeritus, University of California, San Francisco, shares the Dalai Lama told him he has not yet achieved a constant state of awareness. Watch the video.
Well, if the Dalai Lama hasn’t found the secret to awareness, there’s not much chance any normal person can either, is there?
What if instead of working on just increasing your awareness alone you also paid attention to the quality of your external environment and observed other people more closely? Look for things like changes in the sounds of their voice, their non verbal body language, posture, breathing and muscle tension. Any movements they make as they speak can trigger something in you unconsciously and you end up right where you don’t want to be – saying or doing something you regret!
With increased awareness, and knowing these triggers theoretically you can change your behavioural responses, right? Sounds simple.
Now imagine you want to change how you respond to a certain person at your work. With increased awareness you discover the trigger that sets off an unwanted emotional response is when you see or hear the voice of a specific person?
….like a colleague, or client or your boss.
What will you do with this information now that you know it? How are you going to change how your body responds when they start a conversation and by the time you hear their voice its already too late? The trigger has already set off the response so quickly there is no way to stop it. This is known as a see-feel or hear-feel synaesthesia. This kind of synaesthesia is embedded deep in your bodymind’s neurology.
So, if it’s not as simple as increasing awareness and paying attention to triggers, then what is it? What is the ‘secret’?
What I have learned is there’s more to changing responses than meets the eye, and ear!
From my learnings and practicing Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) I now know how to create different responses in advance – yes it IS possible. Its done at the unconscious level. Anyone can change themselves by working at the unconscious level. Your unconscious also knows you better than you know you, if you get my meaning here. Your unconscious knows what you want – you intention or intentions. And by using a step by step process you can start making changes now, before the future event.
There are ways in NLP of combining a meditative state with a specific step by step process that sets up a whole new set of choices of behaviours and responses. Using NLP processes together with paying attention to intention creates new choices for responding differently in advance of entering a future situation. Often you will not even be aware a change has occurred until you reflect back on the event (seconds, minutes, days and sometimes months later) and realize ‘Wow!, I did something different and I didn’t even know it!”.
Brilliant!
Quick Tip: Focus on increasing your inner body awareness. Practice meditating and ask yourself, “How many ways can I respond differently”?
If you really want to learn more on shifting emotional responses, creating more resourceful bodymind states
and self-coaching you can attend the next NLP Practitioner Course:
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) course in January, 2014
Jacquie Nagy is the Owner of Holistic Directions Inc., 2008 Winnipeg, Canada
She is a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner, ITA-NLP Trainer & Coach, Business Coach (CBC)™, Adult Educator (CAE), Professional Speaker, Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS)
Applying self-coaching, NLP techniques, 30 years of professional work experience, a holistic approach and an abundance of enthusiasm, Jacquie shows you how to become super confident and breakthrough anything that is holding you back, set and achieve value-driven personal and professional goals to accelerate your growth and performance, live autonomously, authentically and confidently … get the life you really want!
Her mission is to share the tools she uses in her daily life and business in her upcoming book: “The Art of Self-Coaching: A Model for Designing, Transforming and Living an Authentic Life”