“Life is extraordinarily resilient. It’s been around for over a billion years.” – Geoffrey West

This month’s newsletter is a personal story about caring for a loved one with a health challenge. At the end I share with you self-coaching skills to stay resilient under pressure.

My 83 year old Dad was recently diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Being his Power of Attorney means handling his affairs from financial to medical – and nearly everything else in between

If you know someone supporting a loved one with dementia please share this with them. Newsletter sign up.

Want to change how you respond to daily pressures? Learn to master your state, get skills to reduce conflict and improve your relationships, live the life you truly want – be confident and authentic! Join me on the next NLP Practitioner Training Course in Winnipeg, August 2014. Early booking prices are still available and will increase each month — book now to get the best rate.

You may think dementia will not touch you personally. I sincerely hope it never does. Regardless of what is going on in your life right now – read my story.
Listening to a radio program on dementia spurred me on to write about caring for my Dad who is living with Lewy Body Dementia. Nothing could have prepared me for the impact this mental disorder would have on his life – and mine.

It all started with a phone call from my Dad, aka Art. In a tone I did not recognize Art said, “I’ve had enough and if things don’t change I am going to do it.” Instinctively, I sensed ‘it’ meant something serious. After a few probing questions Art admitted he was thinking suicide. My instincts were right. I told him to stay put and immediately called the clinic.

Within an hour we met with a nurse practitioner. Unfortunately, he was not versed in dementia, suicide or geriatric health. It took some convincing to get him to take Art (and me) seriously. He finally succumbed to my insistence and gave me a letter referring Art to emergency (E.R.).

Although I did not know it at the time –my role as advocate had just begun.

Twelve gruelling hours later, Art was released from E.R. with the promise a geriatric health care plan would be initiated. Vehemently insisting he was ‘ok’, he wanted to go home. In my car waiting for him to unlock his front door, I wondered…would I ever see my Dad alive again?

It was clear to me Art needed support. He had been living alone for 18 years since my Mom passed on and in the same home for more than 40 years. It was time to move. Art hated change. This was different and he knew it. Finally, after years of gentle proding he went willingly to his new home.

The first level of accommodation for seniors in Canada is called ‘Independent Living’ followed by Supported Living and lastly Personal Care Home (PHC). The latter two are referred by a Home Care Coordinator using a process called ‘panelling’. (Such an impersonal term to describe a deeply personal process.) I thought Dad was years away from a PHC. Sadly, I was mistaken.

Art was not managing well living independently even with family and home care support. By the second month his health began to decline. Most notably, rapid weight loss – 60 lbs in only months! Issues with balance, dressing, eating and hygiene soon followed. Numerous visits to his doctor resulted in nada action being taken.

A week ago, Art’s health took a major turn.

One morning, Art could not stand up. Weak from months of ‘independent living’ he did not have the strength to move from a sitting position to standing – he was stuck. Physically too weak to get up, the emergency call button remained out of reach across the room. Thankfully a staff member noticed he was not at breakfast and went to his room to check. She found him – alone and immobile.

That morning, Art was taken by ambulance to the hospital. He is finally receiving the holistic care he needs. Reflecting on this now I am struck by how Art’s life is a metaphor for geriatric health care in Winnipeg. The home care workers I have spoken to feel alone in a system that is overwhelmed with the demands of a rapidly aging population. They are like Art was – immobile and unable to reach the emergency call button.

Art is still in hospital waiting to be panelled. Urgh…I hate that word – panelled. Sounds like a DIY project. His next and most likely final move will be into a dreaded PHC. I say dreaded as so many people have told me the quality of some Personal Care Homes in Winnipeg is dreadful. I sincerely hope we can secure him in a quality home.

Every senior citizen deserves to live in a clean, safe and comfortable home with caring staff!

Grounding and centering supports resilience…

I started to feel the pressures of supporting my Dad building. Subtle changes in my sleep patterns, energy levels and overall well-being. At first I ignored the first signals. I was overwhelmed, juggling work and personal commitments with the increasing needs of my Dad. Over several weeks the signals got stronger and started to impact my well-being.

One moment during a particularly stressful day I made a conscious decision to respond differently. I decided to STOP what I was doing and notice what is happening internally. Acknowledging internal signals is key to shifting your state and changing direction.

It only took minutes to sit quietly, meditate on the situation and decide on which self-coaching skills would do the trick. Ah-ha! I focused on my intentions, followed some of my favourite self-coaching steps (I am gifting the steps to you – see below) and started to feel balanced, centered and resilient. And it only took minutes!

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -Jimmy Dean

Are you living under pressure and feeling overwhelmed at times? Do you feel off balance most days as though someone else is doing the steering for you? Have you lost your direction in your life?

Whether you are caring for a loved one with a physical or mental condition like dementia or any challenge you can use self-coaching skills to help you get back on track – and be resilient once again!

Embodying resilience under pressure is a choice…

You can use these skills to manage your internal state anytime you feel under pressure. Keep these handy – print the list and post to your fridge, mirror or dashboard of your car.

1. Notice Your Body

For this first self-coaching skill to work you need to practice your ability to notice internal signals that tell you your state is waning. You then need to decide to respond – using your body. Moving quickly is the key.

2. Create a Separator State

This self-coaching skill is important. Do not ignore this step. Vigorously shake your body from head to toe like a dog shakes off water; walk purposefully; have a pleasant verbal exchange off topic; sing; dance; breathe deeply to your own rhythm; meditate.

3. Anchor a Resourceful State

The third skill you want to learn this is how to quickly insert a resourceful internal bodymind state. There are many techniques in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) specifically New Code NLP to create a high quality resource state. My coach clients enjoy ‘Walking With X and Y’ (We did this process at the NLP Cafe last month. Send me an email and I will send you the steps. Another way is using a Classic Code NLP Anchoring technique. You can learn how to anchor and embody resourceful bodymind states at the next NLP Practitioner Training.

4. Edit Yourself Daily

Using self-hypnosis or meditation connect with your deeper self – your unconscious – and give yourself feedback each day. In ‘The Art of Self-Coaching’ training course you learn a step by step practice of evening and morning self-editing that takes only minutes.

5. Embody Loving Thoughts

Embodying loving thoughts is a healing self-coaching practice that every human being is capable of doing and mastering. How do you master anything? Practice, practice, practice.

“Practicing self-coaching skills will improve your overall well-being; transforming you from thinking at the level of ideas and concepts to embodying a confident and authentic way of living.” – Jacquie Nagy, The Be Yourself Coach

Quick Tip: The key to creating a separator state (that works) is to make it really intense and of a high quality. The more you practice the more intense it gets and the more permanent it becomes anchored into your body.

Look Who’s Talking: “I took the NLP Practitioner course from Jacquie and it was exactly what I needed. I now use various NLP techniques on myself before performances and while I’m on the phone with a prospect.” -Anders Boulanger, The Human Prospect Magnet and Trade Show Infotainer, Winnipeg, Canada

Want to change the way you respond to daily pressures? Learn to master your state, get skills to reduce conflict and improve your relationships and live the life you truly want – be confident and authentic! Join me on the next NLP Practitioner Training Course in Winnipeg, August 2014. Early booking prices are still available and will increase each month — book now to get the best rate.