In this week’s interview I am going to be talking to a coachee and now friend of mine – Irina Mikhalitsina, FastStartCoach, ITA-NLP Certified Practitioner – who is going to be sharing with us her insights into using and applying NLP when it comes to her relationships – from a practical standpoint.
This is a short audio interview so just click on the link below to access the interview immediately.
[Interview] Enhancing Your Relationships Using NLP – with Irina Mikhalitsina >>
It’s International Women’s day on March 8th – a day of celebration and sharing of love towards women in recognition of their economic, political and social achievements. For my newsletter this week, I thought I’d write about a woman who was a role model for me starting out in my own business, Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop.
I met Anita personally on a trip she made to Winnipeg when I was Sales Manager for The Body Shop at Home. Anita had the ability to motivate others through her endearing stories and down to earth work ethics. She was a leader who paved new roads in the cosmetics industry, was the first to prohibit testing on animals, and to promote fair trade. Since Anita’s passing in 2007, hundreds of thousands of women around the world will continue to benefit from the business paths she carved. I certainly benefitted from her company and am grateful to have known her personally.
You can watch and listen to an earlier interview of Anita Here >>
Anita Roddick was a mentor and a model to thousands of women around the world. She demonstrated how a woman with an idea, a willingness to put themselves out there and the tenacity to carry on when things got tough could be successful in business. She modeled how to be a savvy entrepreneur while maintaining the basic human and community values that she felt were missing in the corporate world.
Working for The Body Shop for eight years was an experience that I will always cherish. Those years were a launch pad for starting my own business. In 1996my husband Robin was transferred to the N.W. Ontario town of Rainy River, pop. 1,000. Situated on the south shore of Lake of the Woods we thought it would be a wonderful place to live. Making the move meant being brave and taking a big risk as I had to quit a secure corporate career. At the time, I had a head full of business ideas and saw the move as a huge opportunity to start my own business.
Practicing a kinder gentler way of doing business …. get the whole story by signing up my newsletter >>
Leaders with highly developed interpersonal skills and strengths are more apt to deliver better financial results according to recent research at Cornell University. This recent study points out that soft skills such as “self-awareness” can be the difference that makes the difference in being a model of excellence in business.
Is there a voice in your head asking HOW do the ‘best of the best’ leaders perform consistently, day in and day out? What’s their secret?
Most leaders will attend at least one personal development course each year. However, marketing practices in the personal development industry are like bottom trawling for fish. Both use non-selective methods, casting a wide net in an effort to ‘catch’ anything that moves. Fish have no choice in the matter. Humans on the other hand can decide whether they want to jump into the net or keep swimming.
Too many options means deciding which choice is better can be confusing. Most people say they find one good seed with each book, CD, seminar or executive coaching session. However unless that seed is planted really deep where self awareness resides there’s little chance of any new growth occurring.
What if the secret was as simple as self application? What if by becoming acutely aware of how your own body and mind works and using select interpersonal skills you could activate the performance you want to be an excellent leader? How helpful would it be if you could design an authentic self leadership plan that works?
Learning how to be more self aware and using techniques to activate the resources you need to act excellently in any situation can be the ‘difference that makes the difference’ in your performance. Finding tools and techniques that when applied to self – work, means no matter what the context you will have access to more resourceful states to perform ‘on the spot’ with excellence.
How soon do you want to make a quantum leap to learn to be self aware, discover your authentic self and utilize state management skills that work for you ‘on the spot’?
Be daring. Be first. Be different. Be self aware. ‘Be Your Self Leader’.
Business owners ought to be aware of how important their state of mind is especially when the place of business is in their home.
Not long ago, I was sitting in my dining room in a deeply creative ‘flow’ state writing content for a new workshop. Without warning, I heard a loud “bark” and our 105lb Labrador Retriever went charging to the front door. Still in a deeply focused state I assumed it was my son, let the dog out and headed to the kitchen to start dinner.
Several seconds passed before I heard a man’s voice say, “Hello?”.
“You’re home early!” I shouted from the kitchen.
“HELLO!” The voice was unfamiliar and finally broke my state of concentration. Glancing around the wall to the foyer, I saw the person at the door was a delivery man, not my son! With a look of incredulity he said, “Your DOG just charged at me outside and won’t stop barking!”.
Realizing my error, I immediately begged forgiveness with a heartfelt “I am SO sorry”. Fortunately, the man was a dog lover and we shared a good laugh!
In future, before starting any project set an intention to stay aware of what’s occurring around you. Others will thank you for it!
When you think of athletes- are they operating in a conscious way when competing?
Take for example – athlete Canadian rower Adam van Koeverden – Gold medal winner of the 500m Kayak race at the 2004 summer Olympics in Athens.
Adam has maintained a status of excellence by winning19 World Cup gold medals between Olympics including every single 500 metre race. According to many, Adam was considered to be a ‘shoe in’ for the Gold medal in the 500m race and a strong contender in the 1000m at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.
The Olympics are chock full of stories of surprise defeats. Adam’s story is a bit different being that he was the flag-bearer for Canada in Beijing. The media loves to report of a ‘curse’ on whoever carries the flag in opening ceremonies. And there is good evidence to support this notion of a flag-bearer’s “curse”. Decathlete Michael Smith (1992 Barcelona) was forced to withdraw with a hamstring injury, and figure skater Kurt Browning (1994 Lillehammer) finished a disappointing fifth. Charmaine Crooks (1996 Atlanta) ran to a disappointing 18th-place showing in the 800 metres, and moguls skier Jean-Luc Brassard (1998 Nagano) ended up fourth.
The job of carrying the Maple Leaf is assigned to only those athletes that are recognizable, respected and successful and 26 year old Adam fits the bill in all categories. Adam’s coach commented that it’s Adam’s hard work ethic and his ability to tolerate a lot of pain and discomfort that makes him a star.
So, what was going on between Adam’s conscious – unconscious alignment on a Friday in August 2008 in Bejing that lead him to an 8th place finish in the race he was expected to take home a gold medal in?
When interviewed after the disappointing loss, Adam was quoted as saying “Hitting the wall, being really tired is one thing. But watching guys I never lose to go by me, the first thing that went through my mind was, ‘What have I done?’ Crossing the finish line, I think I said it out loud: ‘What did I just do? Was I completely out of it the whole way? Was I hypnotized for three-and-a-half minutes?’ That’s what it felt like.”
Adam says that with almost every race, he doesn’t know if he can finish or not. That’s how hard he pushes himself out of his comfort zone.
The 2008 Olympics have very well taught Adam more about being an athlete than any other competition could possibly teach. A friend was quoted as saying, “Our time in the valleys helps us truly appreciate the views from the mountain tops.”
Be fortunate to have had some great mountaintop views in your life, and know there are more to come – nothing helps you appreciate victory more than failure.
Leaders with highly developed interpersonal skills and strengths are more apt to deliver better financial results according to recent research at Cornell University. This recent study points out that soft skills such as “self-awareness” can be the difference that makes the difference in being a model of excellence in business.
Is there a voice in your head asking HOW do the ‘best of the best’ leaders perform consistently, day in and day out? What’s their secret?
Most leaders will attend at least one personal development course each year. However, marketing practices in the personal development industry are like bottom trawling for fish. Both use non-selective methods, casting a wide net in an effort to ‘catch’ anything that moves. Fish have no choice in the matter. Humans on the other hand can decide whether they want to jump into the net or keep swimming.
Too many options means deciding which choice is better can be confusing. Most people say they find one good seed with each book, CD, seminar or executive coaching session. However unless that seed is planted really deep where self awareness resides there’s little chance of any new growth occurring.
What if the secret was as simple as self application? What if by becoming acutely aware of how your own body and mind works and using select interpersonal skills you could activate the performance you want to be an excellent leader? How helpful would it be if you could design an authentic self leadership plan that works?
Learning how to be more self aware and using techniques to activate the resources you need to act excellently in any situation can be the ‘difference that makes the difference’ in your performance. Finding tools and techniques that when applied to self – work, means no matter what the context you will have access to more resourceful states to perform ‘on the spot’ with excellence.
How soon do you want to make a quantum leap to learn to be self aware, discover your authentic self and utilize state management skills that work for you ‘on the spot’?
Be daring. Be first. Be different. Be self aware. ‘Be Your Self Leader’.
When American songwriter Johnny Marks released The Most Wonderful Day of the Year, I was seven years old. It was 1964 and wow…what a year!
The Beatles made their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show and vaulted to #1 with their hit single “I Want to Hold Your Hand” launching the ‘British invasion’, the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup against Detroit and Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor married for the first time in Montreal.
And on June 13th, with a smile and a thumbs-up sign, Nelson Mandela began serving a life sentence in prison. Before being taken away, he made a 28 minute speech which I read for the first time this morning. My guess is these closing sentences still resonate with many people worldwide decades later:
“I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”
What caught my attention today, a few short days before ‘the most wonderful day of the year’ are Nelson Mandela’s kind words “all persons live together in harmony”.
Such a simple message, yet many people are saying how they are too busy, life is too hectic, and this time of year is one huge ‘hassle’.
If this rings true for you maybe it doesn’t need to be this way.
You can change your experience very easily if you want to.
Take 30 seconds each morning to set your ‘intention’. Several times throughout the day simply STOP what you’re doing and for 3 seconds pay close attention to everything around you. Remember what your intention is. Check inside. Do your thoughts and actions feel authentic and congruent with your intention? If not, you can easily activate a different state and decide to change what you’re doing.
And when you don’t know what state you want – give harmony a try…. then notice what happens next!
Like pure water, rich with rare minerals stored deep within a mountain’s core, the actor flows freely through the structures many caves, crevasses, and fissures and transforms into a nourishing river that delights all those that dare to dip their toe in!
Watch how some actors play their roles with incredible authenticity, that when you envision their past performance you see the character, not the actor. Feel the vibration of a premier dancer as she flows with grace on the stage, it’s like you’re dancing in unison on a spilling wave. Be so entranced by the sound of a master story teller’s voice and so deeply engaged in his story, your mind floats like a dream and time hangs suspended like a feather in the wind.
This is the magic of charisma, the unique and often indefinable characteristics of a person that others find immediately endearing and magnetic.
Consider the benefits charisma has for an actor, dancer or story teller to instantly charm their audiences with nothing other than their presence … the way their eyes see you … their unique mannerisms … their ability to suspend the sound of silence and capture your imagination. Why wouldn’t anyone not want to learn how they do what they do!
Researchers in the field of psychology say qualities like a happy disposition, poised physiology and an infectious personality are common traits of a charismatic person. If this is the case, it sounds too easy! We’d all be able to turn on the charm in a flash, wouldn’t we?
What about genetics? Can your family tree determine whether you are capable of developing charisma? Or, is it possible that anyone, at any age can easily learn to be charismatic?
Well, if you’re not a trained actor, and you weren’t born to parents that modeled charisma in your formative years, then how would you learn to be charismatic? Or if you are acting and haven’t yet found that star quality in your performance, do you wonder … what’s their secret?
While it’s true, charisma when measured up against technical skills and abilities is intangible, there is strong evidence to support the importance of developing charisma alongside other highly regarded intrapersonal skills such as emotional intelligence, self awareness, and authentic leadership.
Go search the latest job banks and you’ll find a growing number of employers are seeking candidates with highly developed ‘soft skills’ in their recruitment ads. One ad I saw recently for a national Marketing Manager listed ‘social butterfly’ at the top of the list of qualities for the position!
Your ability to be charismatic can lead to quicker engagement with your audience, a deeper connection with the people in your life and will differentiate you over your competition. Learning how to be charismatic could be a ‘magic’ skill that transports you to the other side of your dreams.
So now, you may be wondering…” Is it possible to learn how to be charismatic if I’m not already? Or, is charisma already in me and I just need to learn how to access it? ”
In my opinion – it’s both.
Knowing NLP, there are processes that can help you tap into your internal authentic energy stored within. Some people call this internal energy their ‘aura’. Guaranteed, everyone will have their own way of describing charisma.
This is mine: “Being charismatic is a ‘state of being’ accessed via an internal connection to your authentic self. When you discover your internal circuitry, put a new structure in place and learn how to access the connection, YOU ‘the actor’ can flow freely on life’s stage sending your charisma out to the external world.”
All in all, charisma is much more than being a happy person, having good posture or developing a charming personality. It’s the magic that means you stand out in the crowd. It’s you performing as the artist you aspire to be. It’s having an immediate and deep connection with your captive audience simply by being yourself.
It’s knowing who you are and what you want.
And, by knowing how to access your authentic charisma – You can be a star!
Jacqueline Nagy © 2011
Logical thinkers often say they want solid evidence before accepting new learnings.
I can relate to this way of thinking. I used to do that too!
Just recently, I trained a group on how to ‘design a public workshop’. We were talking about the importance of delivering material in a variety of learning styles to match how people learn differently. In a split second, I was hit by a memory that fit perfectly and so I engaged the group by telling a short story.
It was 2008 and my life had taken a sharp turn. I wanted to discover what it was like to get really outside my comfort zone. After months of research, I decided it was a good idea to sign up for an NLP* training course at the NLP Academy in England. I vaguely recall reading the course delivery style was highly experiential.
The first day started no differently.
Upon arrival, we received a binder and some got DVD’s as well. I remember thinking that was a good thing as logically it meant there was evidence for what we were about to learn.
To the point – after four days of trying to match the dialogue of the presenter to the binder, I surrendered. My logical mind was exhausted.
On day five, I decided to jump outside my comfort zone, join the other participants and model the trainer instead of the book. The results were phenomenal!
My ability to move from a state of learning, to doing, to competency happened in an incredibly short amount of time. That’s when the magic of experiential learning started for me!
Looking back, that course was so much fun. And, unlike other courses I’ve attended, the learning experience was memorable!
As trainers, learning experientially can provide new ways of thinking and processing data.
Learning experientially has changed how I live my life and opened a window to a vast world of new and exciting possibilities.
I still use my logical mind to plan and direct myself. As a coach I know how important it is to be present. And now I use NLP processes daily to learn and explore my creative mind where learned experiences are stored. Knowing how to tap into my own unconscious resources whenever I want a better quality experience is empowering!
A big discovery for me lately is the more I practice self-coaching myself using NLP processes, the more holistically balanced I am.
If you’re curious and willing to give experiential learning a go, then I applaud your courage! Take action now. Find a workshop or course you’d like to take – and then do it. If you want to learn more about self-coaching, get in touch with me at Holistic Directions. I am happy to share what I’ve learned works.
Remember to come back and post your comments below.
*NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. “NLP is the practice of understanding how people organise their thinking, feeling, language and behaviour to produce the results they do. NLP provides people with a methodology to model outstanding performances achieved by geniuses and leaders in their field.” ©www.NLPAcademy.com
Watch a pre-verbal baby, snuggling in his mother’s arms, and notice the unwavering intensity of their shared gaze. As the mother’s smile increases, the baby breaks the rhythm, pauses briefly, and something magic happens…mirror neurons fire up and he cracks his first smile. Without any conscious thought, you find yourself smiling too!
This is an example of an exquisite exchange of love – as well as a highly primitive cognitive phenomenon known as mirror neurons and unconscious ‘modelling’.
How is it we accept this deeply neurological connection between humans to understand how babies learn to ‘walk and talk’, form values between right and wrong, and acquire cultural and generational influences — yet we are slow to acknowledge this same ‘transfer of neural data’ is ubiquitous between mature adults – whether in the home, the social scene or the corporate office?
The answer to this question is waiting in the shadows – about to be revealed.
Propelled by vast advancements in lab and brain imaging technologies, the field of study known as neuroscience has exploded in the past decade. An audacious discovery of how humans are unconsciously connected via what is now known as the brain’s ‘mirror neurons’ was substantiated in findings published by Rizzolatti (1996) .
Studies done in the early 1990’s first using monkeys and more recently human beings, showed how certain neurons in several parts of the brain are discharged both when a monkey (or human) performs a certain motor act (e.g., grasping an object) and when it (monkey or human) observes another individual performing that or another similar motor act.
At the forefront in the study of human potential is the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). In the early 1970’s, more than twenty years before mirror neurons were known to exist, NLP co-creators Richard Bandler and John Grinder explicated patterns of human functioning through a process of unconscious (mirror neuron) uptake of the excellent performance of several people that were considered to be genius’ in their field of endeavour. While they didn’t have scientific evidence for what they were doing back then, they created a process, now referred to as ‘Real NLP Modeling’ that can be understood explicitly based on Rizzolati’s neurological findings.
The earliest models in NLP, originally applied as approaches within the field of therapy, were designed for establishing and maintaining deep rapport between individuals and to calibrate unconscious physiological responses. For it is through the establishment of an ‘unconscious connection’ – outside the awareness of the individual – that deep rapport exists, much similar to the rapport between mother and child.
So knowing this, what happens when the behaviours and actions of leaders are being modelled by the people closest to them via the unconscious activation of mirror neurons? How easy is it to mimic the behaviours of other humans? Observe a busy social bar scene and you’ll find ample evidence.
Most people can cite examples where they were affected by another person’s ‘mood’ or ‘state’. In environments where people are operating in close proximity (and have established rapport) the transfer of one person’s ‘energy’ can happen in a flash. What if the boss’s day isn’t going as planned? Unless the boss has developed the skills to quickly shift their internal state, unconsciously they will be sending out mirror neuron generating ‘vibes’ that can quickly impact the performance of the entire team. And like a row of dominoes, once an unresourceful state is activated it can be a challenge to ‘shake it off’.
So, if our brains are hard wired to map behaviours of another person without us even knowing – how can we stop it? And how self aware are we of the type of vibes we’re sending out to others?
In our rapidly advancing society, a lack of self awareness is no longer an accepted excuse for not changing one’s behaviour. Employers are beginning to understand the impact of the lack of self awareness, and the ability to monitor one’s own performance is readily becoming a highly sought after skill.
Advances have been made in the field of study called New Code of NLP for increasing self awareness, detecting deeply rooted behavioural patterns, and clarifying intention – all highly effective methods for adapting new behaviours. This is encouraging news for anyone seeking tools to monitor their own performance, for autonomous self coaching and continuous self improvement.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”.
As leaders we can learn to develop unconscious rapport, get clear about our intentions, and by ‘modeling’ the performance we want from others, ‘be the change we want to see’.
Excellent people nearby, whether they are paying attention – or not – will mimic the desired performance under the radar, via your mirror neuron connection.
© Jacquie Nagy, Holistic Directions Inc, 2011